Makes it all a bit confusing, doesn't it!!!

Ridiculous, it's only mid-morning and I'm completely knackered. Seriously considering going back up the stairs for two or three hours kip.

The trouble with that though is that I won't be able to sleep tonight and when tomorrow morning gets to be around again then I'll miss it, waking up in the middle of the afternoon. Not much good, huh.

What's the bet that I've had an epileptic seizure along the line somewhere. Don't know where, don't know when but I bet that I've had one.

The trouble is that I have no record of it, no proof.

Makes it all a bit confusing, doesn't it!!! Did it happen or did it not. Are you sure? Really, now think about it!!!

Think that I will go back to bed. I might feel better next week.

The pain remains the same

A shit morning, long time spent unconscious in the bath with the shower on. Confusion, desperation and pain. Where am I, who am I, what can I do?

Slowly the mind clears and sense recovers. Still, hours missing, big blank period in there, no knowledge of what happened there.

Epilepsy is so destructive, often destructive by leaving nothing but damage in it's wake. How can you explain it, how can you justify it. You have nothing to talk about, there is nothing there but the madness and the bloody great bruise on the back of your head.

And when you look back, there is no explanation, only questions, more and more questions.

And the questions cause pain, more and more mental pain because there are no answers, only pain, both mental and physical and what can I do, how can I attain control of my mind, stop the damage?

You tell me, I have no idea. I try and try and life remains the same.

The pain remains the same.

Saturday Seizure

On Saturday it was lovely and sunny, no wind, so I spent some time out in the garden tidying it up, trimming this, feeding that.

It was a lovely day - and then I keeled over with a tonic-clonic seizure.

One of my neighbours was kind enough to call the doctor, who called the ambulance, who took me to hospital where I stayed until Monday afternoon.

The irritating thing, as usual, is that I know nothing about the seizure, only about where it took me, what it took from me and the little that is left in my life because of it.

Bit of a bitch, eh!!!