Well, that's a different story

Over the last couple of months, I've been pretty lucky. I've had a couple of tonic-clonic seizures but nothing disasterous, no great damage either, luckily.

As for complex-partials, well that's a different story. It seems to have been quite bad of late. Perhaps I'm wrong, perhaps I dream it as I go along but I doubt it. I might get one or two wrong but not them all.

The confusion that it introduces, the lack of memory, both of the day or so past and also of the day or so to come really buggers me up - and I don't know that it's happened. That's also the worst bit, not knowing. If I knew then I could take note or phone the doctor, do something - but there is nothing that I can do because I literally know nothing about it, about what has happened.

So there is only one thing to do and that is to struggle on. If you think of anything better then, please, give me a shout will you???

Makes it all a bit confusing, doesn't it!!!

Ridiculous, it's only mid-morning and I'm completely knackered. Seriously considering going back up the stairs for two or three hours kip.

The trouble with that though is that I won't be able to sleep tonight and when tomorrow morning gets to be around again then I'll miss it, waking up in the middle of the afternoon. Not much good, huh.

What's the bet that I've had an epileptic seizure along the line somewhere. Don't know where, don't know when but I bet that I've had one.

The trouble is that I have no record of it, no proof.

Makes it all a bit confusing, doesn't it!!! Did it happen or did it not. Are you sure? Really, now think about it!!!

Think that I will go back to bed. I might feel better next week.

The pain remains the same

A shit morning, long time spent unconscious in the bath with the shower on. Confusion, desperation and pain. Where am I, who am I, what can I do?

Slowly the mind clears and sense recovers. Still, hours missing, big blank period in there, no knowledge of what happened there.

Epilepsy is so destructive, often destructive by leaving nothing but damage in it's wake. How can you explain it, how can you justify it. You have nothing to talk about, there is nothing there but the madness and the bloody great bruise on the back of your head.

And when you look back, there is no explanation, only questions, more and more questions.

And the questions cause pain, more and more mental pain because there are no answers, only pain, both mental and physical and what can I do, how can I attain control of my mind, stop the damage?

You tell me, I have no idea. I try and try and life remains the same.

The pain remains the same.

Saturday Seizure

On Saturday it was lovely and sunny, no wind, so I spent some time out in the garden tidying it up, trimming this, feeding that.

It was a lovely day - and then I keeled over with a tonic-clonic seizure.

One of my neighbours was kind enough to call the doctor, who called the ambulance, who took me to hospital where I stayed until Monday afternoon.

The irritating thing, as usual, is that I know nothing about the seizure, only about where it took me, what it took from me and the little that is left in my life because of it.

Bit of a bitch, eh!!!

Early to bed

Look at that. It's twenty past two in the afternoon, I had a good nights sleep last night and I'm knackered. Complex partial seizure perhaps?

This has got to be the worlds largest pain in the arse, bar none. Thank goodness that I had a decent lunch (It's amazing what you can do with potato's). Wait and see, I won't put up with it much longer, oh no, I'll go off to bed and sleep through the day - and night.

I hope that you hear the snoring :))

Another bloody disaster

Yesterday was a right bloody disaster. I had an appointment to see the alcohol nurse at the hospital in town and I was looking forward to seeing her. She's a nice lass and easy to talk to - but, big but - on the way to seeing her I went into seizure.

I'd had my breakfast at the Harbour Cafe, it's always a bit of a treat for me because I don't need to cook it - and then I was in the Gilbert Bain Hospital. That's tonic-clonic epilepsy for you!!!

How long I was there for, how I got there, I'm sorry, I have no knowledge. I just remember a smashing breakfast and then being in hospital with a few scratches, a bit of blood and some bruising to my face, oh, and a headache. I guess that I landed on it.

I had a chat to the doctor, who is arranging further meetings and I left at around three o'clock.

Straight to the bus station, on to the bus and home. What a wonderful day - when I could have done something constructive for a change.

The headache hasn't gone away yet which might indicate further seizures - or a broken nights sleep tonight, who knows ;))

I've not keeled over - for a day or two!!!

I don't think that I've keeled over for a day or two. It does get a bit confusing sometimes but the weekend went really well from my perspective, which may well be a bit different from yours, as epilepsy, from the two forms that I suffer from, is so destructive in memory.

But as I say, it has been running pretty well  for the last couple of days. It would be great if it runs on for another few days, maybe a week, I'm hoping for a month, haha, that'll be right, but you have to have hope in your heart don't you ;))

I do carry on hoping though. You cannot give up, that's the road to suicide isn't it, it's an option I suppose but it's not really a good one :))