The hell involved in a complex-partial seizure!!!

Yesterday, well yesterday has been and gone and I have no memory of it whatsoever.

I haven’t hurt myself (I don’t think :? ) but, in effect, yesterday does not exist. I have no recollection of what I did, where I was, so what really happened?

I take it that I suffered a complex-partial seizure yesterday at some time. I find them very confusing as they so often leave nothing behind. Nothing at all, apart of course from an empty space in your head, and in this case, yesterday is empty.

That doesn’t mean that anything went wrong yesterday. Perhaps I have just forgotten what went on, what happened yesterday but I doubt it. Yesterday just does not exist in my mind at all, nothing, nixi. I’ve just checked through the house, the computer and everything else that I can think of and there is nothing amiss that I can pick up on.

But yesterday does not exist. I do see that I have written on a forum – or that there is writing in my name anyway, but I have no knowledge of having written it, the subject that I wrote about. I’ll have to chase this up – but what will I find? Probably nothing and that’s where it gets difficult, frightening. My Saturday, to me anyway, does not exist in the normal world.

I live on my own now so there is no-one to remind me, to tell me what I forgot to do, promised to do a week on Thursday or to shout at me because I got it wrong again. Living alone, in many ways is great – but in some is absolute hell.

The spaces, the empty gaps, the days that don’t exist. The periods of time that are full to the brim with……….. nothing, nothing at all. Even the space doesn’t exist, you have to work it out, work out that there is something missing.

You know that there is a bit missing and will remain that way, unless of course someone makes a comment, maybe you check your bank account and find that you’ve bought something.

Or wasted it all?

What have I done this time???

I hate this, it scares me, a tiny little space of twenty-four hours that is too small to hold in my hand but too large to get a hold of in my mind.

A huge little space that I can't get a grip of, that I know nothing about, that has come and gone and no longer exists.

Maybe it never did. Maybe it's been a six day week, Saturday cancelled and we've saved a fortune.

Maybe.